If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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