so that wasnt chicken after all
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
