Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
