you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
