I understand Curling. That high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
