we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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