and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
