Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
