what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
