So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
