Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
