god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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