Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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