There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So vagazzling was a success
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
