Define "chronic" masturbator.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
