Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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