Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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