oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
