Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
