you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
