If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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