I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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