This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
