Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
