well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
