Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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