I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
