he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
