So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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