you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
