Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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