Small penises have feelings too.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
