I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
