my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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