You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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