that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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