So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
