This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
