The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
