apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
