Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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