we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
