Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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