we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
