I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
