I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is Oprah even human
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
