I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
