I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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