They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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