i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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